July 19, 2008


The past few days have been an artistic whirlwind. I've got one project going on in my studio at the barn, and another here at home. It's been so hot recently that I don't spend more than a few hours at a time in the studio, so I decided to set up a project here at home as well so I could continue working, and not have to drag everything back and forth.
I've started to feel a little bit manic- every spare minute I'm not taking care of the girls, I'm painting. I swing back and forth between house chores/caretaking and my paintings, and by the days end, I can't seem to slow down and unwind. I can't fall to sleep and my head swims with ideas about what I'm working on.
In the past when I've gotten manic like this, I've just run myself into the ground, then burnt out and run into a slump of unproductivity. This time I'm seeing the warning signs ahead of time, and am trying to put on the brakes a little, so that I don't burn myself out and loose all of the wonderful momentum I've got going. Now I purposely stopped working by late afternoon, and have decided to take breaks in the form of a few hours here and there, or maybe a short trip into the mountains next week.
I'm feeling some resentment and frustration about having to take care of the girls at the same time I'm working on my art, being regularly interrupted, and having to stop working to make lunches or dinners. My mom has been very supportive and helpful, taking the girls a few times a week. And my older daughter (11 years old) has made a point of keeping herself busy and giving me my space when I'm working, for which I am very grateful, and proud of her for being so thoughtful. This has been an ongoing struggle since the girls were born, so I've gotten used to it, and I don't let it drag me down like I used to. I just keep moving forward. I did write a blog about this a few years ago... http://xtaabay-steely.blogspot.com/2006_10_01_archive.html
In the past year or so I've grown and matured, and have finally learned how to find more balance in my life, or at least be concious of the need to do so.

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